later i see chen qingyang again .
we register for a room at a hotel , go in together , and then i help she take off she coat .
chen qingyang say , wang er have become civilized .
it mean i have change a lot .
in the old day , i do not just look ferocious , but also act ferociously .
chen qingyang and i commit the crime one more time in the hotel .
the room be well heat , and the window be glaze with tea-colored pane .
i sit on the sofa , and she sit in the bed .
we chat for a while , and then the criminal atmosphere begin to build .
i say , do not you want i to see how they sag now ?
let i take a look !
so she get to she foot and take off she sweater — she have on a flowery shirt underneath .
then she sit back and say , it be still early .
after a while , the attendant bring we boiling water .
they have key , so they just come in without even knock on the door .
i ask , what would the attendant say if he come in right in the middle of thing ?
she say she have never get catch in the act , but she have hear that the attendant would slam the door shut and curse , motherfuckers !
disgust !
before chen qingyang and i escape into the mountain , i cook pig feed for a while .
at the time i have to tend the fire , chop the pig feed ( the so-called pig feed consist of thing like sweet potato vine and water hyacinth ) , and add chaff and water to the wok all by myself .
as i bustle around do several thing at once , the military deputy stand beside i , talk he head off .
he go on nagging about how bad i be , and how bad chen qingyang be , even ask i to pass the message to my " stink whore " chen qingyang .
all of a sudden , i fly into a fury .
i grab a machete and slash at a bottle gourd use for store pumpkin seed that hang on the beam , cut it in half .
frightened , the military deputy leap out of the room .
if he have keep scolding , i would have cut he head off .
i appear especially ferocious , because i do not speak .
later , in the public security office , i do not talk much either , even when they be tie i up .
so my hand often turn dark blue .
chen qingyang talk all the time .
she would say something like this : big sister , it hurt ! or , big sister , can you tuck a handkerchief under the rope ?
there be a handkerchief hold my hair .
she cooperate at every point , which be why she suffer much less than i do .
we be different in every way .
chen qingyang say that back then i be not very civilized .
when we go back to the public security office , people untie we .
the rope leave line of smudge on she shirt , which be because the rope be store in a kitchen shed and pick up ash from the bottom of wok and bit of firewood .
she try to flick the ash off with she stiff finger , but could only do the front , not the back .
by the time she want to ask i to help she , i have already stride out of the room .
she follow out the door , but i have go pretty far .
i walk very fast , never look back .
because of these thing , she do not love i at all ; she do not even like i .
accord to the leader , what we do on the back slope be not consider a primary offense — except the time that she look like a koala bear .
for example , the thing we do while cultivate the wilderness be just a secondary offense .
so i do not finish my confession .
there be actually something more .
a hot wind blow really hard at the time and chen qingyang sleep soundly with she arm under she head .
i unbutton all the button on she shirt so she be half naked .
it look like she have do it herself .
the sky be so blue and bright that you could even see blue light in the shadow .
all of a sudden , i feel tenderness in my heart , so i bent over she reddened body .
i would forget what i do then .
when i mention this to chen qingyang , i think she would have forget .
but she say , " i remember , i remember .
i be already awake by that time .
you kiss my belly button , right ?
i be just on the edge — i almost fall in love with you at that moment . "
chen qingyang say that she have just awaken in time to see my tousled head on she belly , and then she feel a gentle touch on she navel .
for a moment she could hardly restrain herself , but she still pretend to sleep , wait to see what else i would do .
but i do not do anything .
i raise my head and look around .
and then i walk away .
my confession say that on that night , we leave the back slope and set off for the crime scene .
we carry pot and pan on we back and plan to settle down on the mountain in the south .
over there the soil be so much richer that the grass on both side of the road stand as tall as people , unlike the back slope of the fifteenth team where they be about half a foot .
the moon shine that night .
we even walk on the road for a while .
by the time fog rise at daybreak , we have walk twelve mile and go up to the mountain in the south .
to be more specific , we arrive at the grassland to the south of zhang feng village and the forest be not far off .
we camp under a huge green tree , pick up two piece of cow dung to start a fire , and spread a plastic sheet on the ground .
then we take off all we clothes ( the clothes be drench by then ) , cuddle into each other , wrap ourselves in three blanket , and then fall asleep .
we wake up freeze after a hour .
the three layer of blanket be all soak , and the dung fire have die out , too .
dewdrop fall from the tree in a downpour , and even the drop float in the air be as big as mung bean .
this be in january , the coldest day of the dry season .
the shady side of the mountain could be that damp .
chen qingyang say when she wake up she hear my tooth chatter like a machine gun by she ear .
the upper tooth be click against the lower more than once a second .
i already have a temperature .
once i catch a cold , it would be hard to recover unless i get a shot .
so she sit up and say , enough .
both of we will get sick this way .
hurry , we have to do the thing .
not want to move , i say , hold on for a bit .
the sun be come out soon .
after a few minute i say , do you think i have energy to do it now ?
that be the situation prior to the offense .
the offense go as follow :
chen qingyang ride my body , up and down ; behind she back be a broad expanse of white fog .
it do not feel that cold anymore , and the sound of buffalo bell float all around .
since thai people here do not pen they buffalo , they would ramble at daybreak .
hung with wooden bell , the buffalo would make clunking sound as they walk .
a hulk suddenly turn up beside we , with dewdrop dangle from a hairy ear .
it be a white buffalo , who turn its head and stare at we with one of its eye .
a white buffalo 's horn can be use to make a knife handle , glitter and crystal clear , very pretty .
but its texture be brittle , easy to crack .
i use to have a dagger with a white-horn handle that do not have any crack , which be very unusual .
the blade be also make of excellent material .
unfortunately public security confiscate it .
i ask they to return it to i after my case be clear .
they say they could not find it .
they do not return my hunting gun either .
old guo from the public security section promise shamelessly to buy it , but he only want to pay fifty yuan .
in the end i get nothing back , not my gun or my knife .
chen qingyang and i chat for a long time before we commit we crime in the hotel room .
finally , she take off she shirt , but still wear she skirt and leather boot .
i go over to sit next to she and move she hair back ; some of it have turn gray .
chen qingyang have perm she hair .
she say she use to have excellent hair and do not want to perm it .
now it do not matter anymore .
as the assistant head of the hospital , she be very busy and could not even find time to wash she hair every day .
other than that , the corner of she eye and she neck have begin to crease .
she say she daughter suggest that she have plastic surgery , but she could not find time to do it .
at last she say , ok , now take a look at they .
so she start to undo she bra .
i want to help she , but i could not .
the clasp be in the front , but i reach around to she back .
she say , look like you have not learn what it take to be bad .
and then she turn to let i see she breast .
i look carefully at they for a while , and give she my opinion .
for some reason , she face blush a little .
she say , well , you have see they .
what else do you want to do ?
as she say this , she begin to put she bra back on .
i say , what be the hurry ?
leave they out .
she say , what ?
still want to study my anatomy ?
i say , of course .
but let 's not rush .
we can talk a little longer .
the color in she face deepen .
she say , wang er , you 'll never learn how to be good .
you 'll always be a bastard !
when i be detain in the public security section , luo xiaosi come to see i .
he lean on the windowsill and find i tie up like a package .
believe that my case be very serious and i might be shoot soon , he toss a box of cigarette in from the window and say , brother er , just a little gift .
then he burst into tear .
luo xiaosi be a sentimental man , easily touch .
i ask he to light a cigarette and hand it to i through the window .
he do as i ask , almost dislocate he shoulder to reach i .
after that he ask i what else he could do for i .
i say nothing else .
i also say , do not bring a crowd to see i .
he promise he would not .
after he be go , a gang of boy climb up to the window ledge to see i .
right then the cigarette smoke choke i , and with one eye open and the other close i look terrible .
the leader of the boy could not help cry out : hooligan !
i answer back , you father and mother be hooligan !
if they be not hooligan , where do a little hooligan like you come from ?
the boy grab some dirt and fling it at i .
after i be release , i go to see the boy 's father and say : today i be in the public security office .
i be hog-tied .
you son be young , but he have great ambition .
he take the opportunity to fling dirt at i .
after hear this , the man grab he son and beat the shit out of the little bastard .
i do not leave until i witness the whole episode .
when chen qingyang hear this , she comment , wang er , you be a bastard !
actually i be not always a bastard .
now that i have a wife and family , i have learn a lot about how to be good .
after finish the cigarette , i draw she to i , fondle she breast skillfully for a while , and then want to take off she skirt .
she say , no rush .
let 's talk a little more .
give i a cigarette too .
so i light a cigarette , take a drag , and hand it to she .
chen qingyang say on mount zhang feng , when she ride up and down on my body , she look far and near , and see nothing but gray , watery fog float in the air .
all of a sudden , she feel very alone , very lonely .
even though a part of i be rub inside she body , she still feel sad and lonely .
after a while i come back to life and say : let 's switch .
here we go .
so i roll over onto she body .
she say , that time , you be a bigger bastard than ever .
when chen qingyang say i be a bigger bastard than ever , she mean that i suddenly notice she foot be cute and pretty .
i say , old chen , i have decide to be a foot fetishist .
then i raise she leg and start to kiss the sole of she foot .
chen qingyang lay on the grass with she arm spread out and she hand grab the grass , and then she turn she head aside , she hair cover she face , and moan .
in my confession i write : i let go of she leg and part the hair on she face .
she struggle violently to break free , tear roll down from she eye , but she do not slap i .
there be two unhealthy red spot on she cheek .
after a while , she no longer struggle and say , you bastard !
what be you go to do with i ?
i say , what be wrong ?
she smile and say , nothing .
keep go .
so i raise she leg again .
she lay like that motionless , she arm spread out , tooth bite she lower lip without utter a sound .
if i look at she again , she smile back .
i remember she face be extremely pale , and she hair be especially dark .
that be how the whole thing go .
chen qingyang say when she lay in the cold rain that time , she feel the chill penetrate every pore .
she feel a endless flow of sorrow .
just then a huge surge of orgasm slice through she body .
cold fog and icy rain both seep into she body .
for a moment she want to die .
she could not stand it ; she want to cry out .
but at the sight of i she change she mind .
there be no man in this world who could make she scream in front of he .
she feel disconnect from everyone .
chen qingyang tell i later that she be deeply troubled every time i make love to she .
in the depth of she heart , she want to cry out , hug i , and kiss i passionately , but she could not bring herself to do it .
she do not want to love other people , not even one .
but still , when i kiss the sole of she foot that time , a sharp feeling still bore its way into she heart .
when chen qingyang and i make love on mount zhang feng , a old buffalo alongside we watch .
later it low and run away , leave the two of we alone there .
after a long while , the sky gradually lighten and the fog begin to disappear from above we .
chen qingyang 's body glisten with dew .
i let go of she and rise to my foot , to find that we be actually not far from the village .
so i say , let 's go .
we leave that place and never go back .
in my confession , i admit that chen qingyang and i have commit crime on numerous occasion on grandpa liu 's back mountain .
this be because grandpa liu 's field have already be cultivate and do not need much work .
so we life be relatively easy there .
and since we do not have to worry about food and shelter , we think more about sex .
there be nobody else on that part of the mountain , and grandpa liu lay on he deathbed .
the mountain be either rainy or foggy .
chen qingyang fasten my belt around she waist , with a knife dangle from it .
she wear high boot , and nothing else .
chen qingyang tell i later that she have make only one friend in she life , and that be i .
she say all that happen come about because i talk about great friendship in my small house by the river .
a person have to accomplish a few thing in life and this be one of they .
after that she do not have deep relationship with other people .
it be no fun do the same thing over and over .
i have have a feeling about this all along .
so whenever i ask she for sex , i would say , old pal , how about strengthen we great friendship now ?
married couple have a code of ethic to strengthen , and we do not have that , so we can only strengthen we friendship .
she say , no problem .
how do you want to strengthen it , from the front or from the back ?
i say , from the back .
we be at the edge of the field then .
because it be from the back , we have to spread two palm-bark rain cape on the ground .
she kneel on she hand and knee , like a horse , and say , you would better hurry .
it be time to give grandpa liu a shot .
i write all these thing in my confession , but the leader want i to confess in response to the following :
1 . who be comrade strain-thing eh-thic ?
2 . what do " strengthen the great friendship " mean ?
3 . what be strengthen it from the back ?
and what be strengthen it from the front ?
after i clear thing up , the leader tell i not to play word game .
whatever my crime be , they say , i need to confess they .
while we be strengthen we great friendship on the mountain , white breath puff from we mouth .
it be not that cold , but very humid .
you could grab a handful of air and wring water out of it .
worm wriggle next to we palm-bark rain cape .
that piece of land be really rich .
later on , before the corn fully ripen , we pick the ear and ground the kernel in a mortar .
the jingpos in the mountain prepared corn cake that way , and they be not bad at all .
store they in cold water could preserve they for a long time .
as chen qingyang crouch on she hand and knee in the cold rain , she breast feel like cool apple .
she skin all over be as smooth as a piece of burnish marble .
after a while i pull my little buddha out and ejaculate onto the field .
she look back at this with a surprised and fearful expression .
i tell she that it would fertilize the land .
she say , i know .
and a moment later she ask , will a little wang er grow out of the land ? — do this sound like something a doctor would say ?
when the rainy season pass , we dress like thais and go to qingping market .
as i have already write before , i meet a classmate in qingping .
although i be dress like a thai , he still recognize i on sight .
i be too tall to be a thai .
he say , hus , brother er , where have you be ?
i say , i be hopeless at speak mandarin .
despite the fact that i try very hard to speak in a weird accent , it still sound like the beijing dialect .
that one sentence give i away .
it be she idea to go back to the farm .
since i myself have decide to go up the mountain , i be determine not to go back .
she would come to the mountain for the sake of we great friendship , so i could not refuse to go down the mountain with she .
actually , we could have leave anytime , but she do not want to .
she say we current life be fun .
later chen qingyang say life on the mountain be also fun .
when cold mist drift over the mountain , she would tuck a knife into she belt , put on a pair of rain boot , and enter the drizzle .
but it be no fun do the same thing over and over .
that be why she still want to come down the mountain , to put up with the torment of human society .
when chen qingyang and i relive we great friendship in the hotel room , we speak of the time we come down the mountain and reach a junction of road .
there be four byroad at that place , and each of they lead in a single direction .
east , west , south , north do not really matter .
one lead abroad , to a unknown place ; one to the interior ; one to the farm ; and one back to where we come from , and that road also lead to husha .
in husha there be a lot of ahcang blacksmith , who have pass on the skill from generation to generation .
though i do not come from a family of smith , i could have be a blacksmith .
i know those people very well ; they all admire my skill .
ahcang woman be all very pretty , they body adorn with many bronze bracelet and necklace and silver coin .
that kind of dress fascinate chen qingyang , and she want to go up to the mountain and become one of they .
at the time , the rainy season have just pass , and cloud rise up from every direction .
thread of sunshine flash in the sky .
we could have make any choice and set off in any direction .
so i stand at the crossroads for a long time .
later when i be go back to the interior , wait for the bus by the road , i also have two choice : i could keep wait , or return to the farm .
when i walk along one path , i often think about thing that might happen on another path .
then i would feel confused .
chen qingyang once say i be a man of average intelligence but with skillful hand , and very nutty , which all mean something .
she say my intelligence be only average , i do not agree with ; she say i be nutty , i could not deny because it be a fact ; as to my skillful hand , she probably know that from she own body .
my hand be indeed very skillful , which be not just show by how i touch woman .
my palm be not big , but my finger be unusually long and able to perform any delicate and complex task .
those ahcang blacksmith on the mountain be better than i at forge blade , but for etch design on a knife no one could match i .
so , at least twenty blacksmith invite we to move in with they .
each suggest that he would forge the blade and i would etch the design , and we would make a good team .
if i have move in then , i probably would have forget how to speak mandarin .
if i have move in with a ahcang big brother , i would be etch design on husha knife in that dark , deep blacksmith shop now .
in the muddy backyard of he house , there would be a brood of little child , comprise of four combination :
1 . those produce by chen qingyang and i ;
2 . those produce by ahcang big brother and ahcang big sister ;
3 . those produce by ahcang big sister and i ;
4 . those produce by chen qingyang and ahcang big brother .
when chen qingyang would come down from the mountain with firewood on she back , she would pull up she clothes , reveal she full and firm breast , and , without make any distinction , feed one of the baby .
if i have return to the mountain then , that would have happen .
chen qingyang say such thing would not happen because they do not happen .
what really happen be that we return to the farm , write confession , and go on denouncement trip .
even though we could have run away at any minute , we never do .
that be what really happen .
when chen qingyang say i be of average intelligence , she obviously do not consider my literary talent .
everyone love to read the confession i write .
when i first start write those thing , i be dead set against it .
but as i write more , i become obsess , clearly because the thing i write all happen .
thing that really happen have incomparable charm .
i write down almost every detail in my confession except the thing that happen below :
on the back mountain of the fifteenth team , after make love in we thatched hut , chen qingyang and i go to a creek to play in the water .
the water from the mountain have wash away the red soil , expose the blue clay underneath .
we lay on the blue clay to sun ourselves .
after i recover my warmth , my little buddha stand up again .
since he have be relieve not long before , i be not as eager as a sex maniac .
so i lay on my side behind she , pillow on she long hair and enter she body from behind .
later in the hotel room , we relive we great friendship in the same way .
when chen qingyang and i lay on we side on the blue clay , it be get dark and the wind have cool a bit .
it feel very peaceful lie together , and sometimes we move a little .
i have hear that dolphin have two way of do it , one for procreation and the other for entertainment , which be to say that dolphin also have the great friendship .
chen qingyang and i be connect , just like a pair of dolphin .
when chen qingyang and i lay on the blue clay with we eye close , we feel like a pair of dolphin swim in the sea .
it be get darker and the sunlight gradually redden .
a cloud come over the horizon , pale as countless dead fish belly turn up and countless dead fish eye gaping .
a current of wind slip down the mountain without a sound , without a breath , and a sadness in the air fill every space between the sky and the earth .
chen qingyang shed a lot of tear .
she say the scene depress she .
i still keep the duplicate of my confession from back then .
once , i show they to a friend who major in english and american literature .
he say they be all very good , with the charm of victorian underground novel .
as for the detail i have cut out , he say it be a good idea to cut they out , because those detail destroy the unity of the story .
my friend be really erudite .
i be very young when i write the confession and do not have any learn ( i still do not have much learning ) , or any idea what victorian underground novel be .
what i have in my mind be that i should not be a instigator .
many people would read my confession .
if after read they they could not help screw damage goods , that be not so bad ; but if they learn the other thing , that would be really bad .
i also leave out the fact that follow , for the same reason mention above .
we have commit many error and deserve execution .
but the leader decide to save we , make i write confession .
how forgiving of they !
so i make up my mind that i would only write about how bad we be .
when we live on grandpa liu 's back slope , chen qingyang make a thai skirt for herself , disguise herself as a thai woman so she could go to qingping on market day .
but after put the skirt on she could barely walk .
south of qingping , we run into a river .
the mountain water be ice-cold , and green as marinated mustard .
the water reach to my waist , and the current be very swift .
i walk over to she , hoist she onto my shoulder , go right across the river , and then put she down .
she waist be exactly the width of my shoulder .
i remember she face turn deep red then .
i say , i could carry you to qingping and back , faster than you swishy walking .
she say , go take a crap .
a thai skirt be like a cloth sheath .
the hem be only about a foot around .
people who know how to wear they can do all kind of thing with they on , include pee on the street without squat down .
chen qingyang say she could never learn that trick .
after conduct a observation for a while in qingping market , she draw the conclusion that if she want to disguise herself like someone , she would rather be a ahcang woman .
on the way back , the mountain road be all uphill , and she be exhaust , too .
so whenever we need to jump over a ditch or cross a ridge , she would find a stump , gracefully mount it , and let i carry she .
so on the way home i carry she on my shoulder climb the hill .
the dry season have just arrive , white cloud coast through the sky , and the sun give brilliant light .
but in the mountain it would drizzle from time to time .
the red clay be very slippery .
walk on slab of red mud be like learn to skate for the first time .
so with my right hand lock around she thigh and my left hand carry the rifle , not to mention the basket on my back , i could hardly manage the slippery incline .
all of a sudden , i slip to the left , and be about to fall into the valley .
fortunately i have a rifle , which i use to hold i up .
i tense my whole body and struggle to keep we from go over .
but the idiot pick that moment to give i trouble , flop around on my back and demand that i put she down .
we almost lose we life that time .
as soon as i catch my breath , i switch the rifle to my right hand , raise my left hand , and slap she bottom really hard .
through the layer of thin cloth , it feel unusually smooth .
she bottom be very round .
fuck , i feel terrific .
she immediately behave herself after get spank .
she become very submissive , not say another word .
of course , it be wrong to slap she bottom , but i think this kind of thing might not be what other damage goods and they lover get into .
so the incident seem beside the point and i do not write about it .