14.分娩	Childbirth
这天，程先生下班后到王琦瑶处，见她脸色苍白，坐立不安，一会儿躺倒，一会儿站起，一个玻璃杯碰在地上，摔得粉碎，也顾不上去收拾。	ONE DAY MR. CHENG went to Wang Qiyao's after work to find her pale and flustered, lying down every so often and then getting up to pace around. She even knocked over a glass, which shattered on the floor, but didn't bother to pick up the pieces.
程先生赶紧去叫来一辆三轮车，扶她下楼，去了医院。	Mr. Cheng hurried out to call a pedicab, came back in to help her downstairs, and then rushed them off to the hospital.
到医院倒痛得好些了，程先生就出来买些吃的做晚饭。	Having arrived at the hospital, she seemed to improve, and Mr. Cheng went out to get something for their dinner.
再回到医院，人已经进了产房，晚上八点便生下了，是个女孩，说是一出娘胎就满头黑发，手脚很长。	By the time he got back, Wang Qiyao had already been taken into the delivery room. It was a baby girl. She was born at eight o'clock. They told Mr. Cheng that she had long arms and legs and a full head of black hair.
程先生难免要想：她究竟像谁呢？	This set him wondering, Just who does she look like?
三天之后，程先生接了王琦瑶母女出院，进弄堂时，自然招来许多眼光。	When, three days later, he brought mother and daughter home from the hospital, the threesome attracted quite a few curious stares down the longtang.
程先生早一天就把王琦瑶的母亲接来，在沙发上安了一张铺，还很细心地准备了洗漱用具。	Mr. Cheng had fetched Wang Qiyao's mother the day before, setting up a place for her on the sofa, and even going to the trouble of preparing a set of toiletries.
王琦瑶母亲一路无言，看程先生忙着，忽然间说了一句：程先生要是孩子的爸爸就好了。	Mrs. Wang was silent the whole time, but, as Mr. Cheng busied himself with the household chores, she blurted out, "If only you had been the child's father . . ."
程先生拿东西的手不禁抖了一下，他想说什么，喉头却哽着，待咽下了，又不知该说什么了，只得装没听见。	Mr. Cheng trembled and almost lost hold of the things in his hands. He wanted to say something but his throat had closed up. By the time he was able to speak, he had forgotten what to say. So he simply pretended that he had not heard.
王琦瑶到家后，她母亲已炖了鸡汤和红枣桂圆汤，什么话也没有地端给她喝，也不看那孩子一眼，就当没这个人似的。	When Wang Qiyao came home the next day, her mother had already prepared a pot of chicken broth and the customary bowl of soup with red jujube and longan, which was supposed to be so nourishing for new mothers. She handed the bowl to her daughter in silence. She did not bother to even look at her granddaughter; it was as if the child did not exist.
过一会儿，就有人上门探望，都是弄堂里的，平时仅是点头之交，并不往来，其时都是因好奇而来。	Neighbors began to call on them, but they were only the most casual of acquaintances—the only contact they normally had with Wang Qiyao was waving hello as she went in and out of the longtang; now they came out of curiosity.
看了婴儿，口口声声直说像王琦瑶，心里都在猜那另一半像谁。	Each one went on about how much the baby looked like Wang Qiyao, all the while wondering who the father was.
程先生到灶间拿热水瓶给客人添水，却见王琦瑶母亲一个人站在灰蒙蒙的窗前，静静地抹着眼泪。	Going into the kitchen to fetch the hot water Thermos, Mr. Cheng found Mrs. Wang standing in front of the window, looking out at the overcast sky and quietly wiping away the tears.
程先生向来觉得她母亲势利，过去并不把他放在眼里，他在楼下叫王琦瑶，她连门都不肯开，只让老妈子伸出头来回话。	Mr. Cheng had always thought her a calculating woman. Back when he used to call on Wang Qiyao, she would never even bother to greet him but always sent the maid down to talk to him at the door instead.
这时，他觉着她的心与他靠近了些，甚至是比王琦瑶更有了解和同情的。	Now, he sensed, she was much closer to him, perhaps more understanding and sympathetic even than her daughter.
他站在她的身后，嗫嚅了一会儿，说道：伯母，请你放心，我会对她照顾的。	He stood behind her for a moment before offering a timid attempt at consolation. "Don't worry, Auntie. I'll take care of her."
说完这话，他觉着自己也要流泪，赶紧拎起热水瓶回房间去了。	With those words he could feel the tears welling up and hastened back into the room with the hot water thermos.
过了一天，严师母来看王琦瑶了。 她已经很久没有上门，早听娘姨张妈说，王琦瑶有喜了，挺着肚子在弄堂里进出，也不怕人笑话。	The next day Madame Yan, who had not visited for ages, came to see Wang Qiyao. She had long heard of the pregnancy from her servant Mama Zhang, who had seen Wang Qiyao coming and going with that protruding belly of hers; Wang Qiyao obviously wasn't worried about the rumors her pregnancy might stir up.
其时，康明逊和萨沙都销声匿迹了似的，一个闭门不出，一个远走高飞，倒是半路里杀出个程先生，一日三回地来。	Kang Mingxun and Sasha had by this time long vanished from the scene, one hiding out at home while the other fled far away. Then, out of nowhere, appeared this Mr. Cheng, who suddenly started coming by at least three times a day.
严师母虽然不清楚究竟发生了怎样的事，但自视对王琦瑶一路的女人很了解，并不大惊小怪，倒是那个程先生给了她奇异的印象。	Although Madame Yan wasn't exactly sure what had transpired, she wasn't in the least bit taken off guard; in fact, she fancied herself one imbued with keen insights into the situation of women like Wang Qiyao. Still, she was intrigued by Mr. Cheng.
她看出他的旧西装是好料子的，他的做派是旧时代的摩登。	She could tell from the fine quality of the old suit he wore that this Mr. Cheng had been a stylish man back in the old days.
她猜想他是一个小开，舞场上的旧知那类人物，就从他身上派生出许多想象。	She took him to be some kind of playboy whom Wang Qiyao must have known back in her dance hall days. Madame Yan imagined all kinds of things about Mr. Cheng.
她曾有几回在弄口看见他，手里捧着油炸臭豆腐什么的，急匆匆地走着，怕手里的东西凉了，那油浸透了纸袋，几乎要滴下来的样子。	She had run into him a few times in the alley: he was always on his way to Wang Qiyao's with snacks like "stinky tofu," and would always rush briskly past lest the food get cold. The grease from the tofu had already soaked the bottom of the bag and was about to drip through.
严师母不由受了感动，觉出些江湖不忘的味道，暗里甚至还对王琦瑶生出羡嫉。	Madame Yan was touched, even somewhat jealous of Wang Qiyao for having such a devoted friend.
这时听说王琦瑶生了，也动了恻隐之心，感触到几分女人共同的苦衷，便决定上门看望。	Hearing that Wang Qiyao had given birth, she was moved to sympathy; being a woman, she could relate to how difficult things must have been for Wang Qiyao, and decided to go over to see how she was.
王琦瑶的母亲看出严师母身份不同，有一些安慰似的，脸色和悦了一些，泡来茶，一同坐下聊天。	Mrs. Wang, sensing that Madame Yan was a cut above the others, felt favored by the visit and tried to make herself pleasant. She even brewed some tea and sat down with Madame Yan.
程先生上班去了，就只这老少三个女人，互诉着生产的苦情。	With Mr. Cheng away at work, these three women of different generations compared notes about the hardships of childbirth.
比起来，王琦瑶多是听，少是说，因不是来路明正的生产，不敢居功似的。	Wang Qiyao mostly just sat and listened, as if the shady circumstances surrounding the father of her child prevented her from claiming her share of the glory.
严师母和她母亲却是越说越热乎，虽然是多年前的事情，一点一滴都不忘怀的。	Her mother and Madame Yan, on the other hand, vividly recalled every detail from earlier decades.
她母亲说到生王琦瑶的艰辛，不觉触动心事，又红了眼圈，赶紧推说有事，避到灶间去了。 留下这两人，竟一时无语。	When Mrs. Wang started to speak about how hard it was giving birth to Wang Qiyao, the irony of the present situation was not lost on her and her eyes reddened. She quickly found an excuse to scurry off into the kitchen, leaving the other two in an awkward silence.
婴儿吃足了奶已睡着，蜷在蜡烛光里，也看不见个人形。	The baby had just been fed and was deep in sleep, her outline barely visible in the candle light.
王琦瑶低头剔着手指甲，忽然抬头一笑。	Wang Qiyao had been looking down as she picked her fingernails, but she abruptly raised her head and laughed.
这一笑是有些惨然的，严师母都不觉有一阵酸楚。	It was a tragic laugh that affected even Madame Yan.
王琦瑶说：严师母，谢谢你不嫌弃我，还来看我。	"Madame Yan, I really appreciate you coming to see me . . . especially after all that's happened. I was worried you would look down on me," Wang Qiyao said.
严师母说：王琦瑶，你快不要说这样的话了，谁嫌弃你了？	"Oh, cut it out, Wang Qiyao!" replied Madame Yan. "Nobody is looking down on you!
过几天我去叫康明逊也来看你。	I'm calling on Kang Mingxun in a few days and I'm going to see to it that he comes to see you."
听到这个名字，王琦瑶把脸转到一边，背着严师母，停了一会儿才说：是呀，我也有好久没看见他了。	At the mention of his name, Wang Qiyao turned away. It was only after a long silence that she replied, "That's right, it's been ages since I've seen him."
严师母心里狐疑，嘴上却不好说，只闲扯着要重新聚一聚，可惜萨沙不在了，去西伯利亚吃苏联面包了，不过，补上那位新来的先生，也够一桌麻将了。	Madame Yan grew suspicious, but was forced to keep her thoughts to herself; instead she casually suggested that they all get together again. "It's a pity that Sasha's no longer around. He must be off in Siberia eating his Russian bread! But that's okay, you can bring along that new friend of yours and we'll have a foursome for our mahjong games."
说到这里，便问王琦瑶那位先生姓什么，贵庚多少，籍贯何处，在哪里高就。 王琦瑶一一告诉她后，她便直截了当问道：看他对你这样忠心，两人又都不算年轻，为什么不结婚算了呢？	She took the opportunity to ask Wang Qiyao the gentleman's name, his age, where he was from, and where he worked, all of which Wang Qiyao responded to matter-of-factly. At that point Madame Yan asked bluntly, "He is so loyal to you, and neither of you is getting any younger.... Why don't you just get married?"
王琦瑶听了这话又是一笑，仰起脸看了严师母说道：我这样的人，还谈什么结婚不结婚的话呢？	Wang Qiyao responded with another laugh. Raising her head, she looked Madame Yan straight in the eye. "A woman like me. . . . How could I talk of marriage?"
又过了一天，康明逊果然来了。	The next day, Kang Mingxun indeed came by to call on Wang Qiyao.
王琦瑶虽是有准备，也是意外。	Although she had expected him to show up after Madame Yan's visit, she was still caught by surprise.
两人一见面，都是怔怔的，说不出话来。	Standing there face to face, neither knew what to say.
她母亲是个明眼人，见这情形便走开去，关门时却重重地一摔，不甘心似的。	Mrs. Wang sized up the situation and decided it was best to give them some privacy, but slammed the door shut on her way out to register her disapproval.
这两人则是什么也听不见了。	But Wang Qiyao and Kang Mingxun didn't even notice.
自从分手后，这是第一次见，中间相隔有十万八千年似的。	This was the first time they had been together since their parting. It felt like thousands of years since they had last seen each other.
彼此的梦里都做过无数回，那梦里的人都不大像了，还不如不梦见。	They had appeared in each other's dreams, but the images in their dreams were so far from the real person that they would have been better off not even dreaming.
其实都已经决定不去想了，也真不再想了，可人一到了面前，却发觉从没放下过的。	They had, in truth, resolved not to think of each other—and succeeded. But, face to face once again, they discovered that letting go was not as easy as they had thought.
两人怔了一时，康明逊就绕到床边要看孩子。	They stood there for a moment before Kang Mingxun walked around to the other side of the bed to take a look at the baby.
王琦瑶不让看，康明逊问为什么，王琦瑶说，不让看就是不让看。	Wang Qiyao stopped him. When he asked why he shouldn't see the baby, she said, "Because I said so. . . ."
康明逊还问为什么，王琦瑶就说因为不是他的孩子。	Kang Mingxun pressed for an explanation. Wang Qiyao said that it wasn't his baby.
两人又沉默了一会儿，康明逊问：不是我的是谁的？	They fell silent for a while before he said, "Well, whose is it then, if it isn't mine?"
王琦瑶说：是萨沙的。	"Sasha's."
说罢，两人都哭了。	At that, the two of them broke down in tears.
许多辛酸当时并不觉得，这时都涌上心头，心想，他们是怎样才熬过来的呀！	All the sorrow they had suppressed back when they had to make that difficult decision suddenly came rushing back; they wondered how they had ever got through everything that had brought them to this point.
康明逊连连说道：对不起，对不起。 自己知道说上一万遍也是无从补过，可不说对不起又说什么呢？	"I'm so sorry . . . I'm so sorry. . . ." Kang Mingxun kept apologizing, knowing it would do no good even if he said it a thousand times over.
王琦瑶只是摇头，心里也知道不要这个对不起，就什么也没了。	Wang Qiyao kept shaking her head, aware that if she did not accept the apology, she would have nothing at all.
哭了一会儿，王琦瑶先止住了，擦干眼泪说道：确是萨沙的孩子。	They were both in tears, but it was Wang Qiyao who stopped crying first. Wiping away her tears, she insisted, "She really is Sasha's child."
听她这一说，康明逊的眼泪也干了，在椅子上坐下，两人就此不再提孩子的话，也像没这个人似的。	Hearing her say this, Kang Mingxun also pulled back his tears and sat himself down. There was no more mention of the baby; it was as if she had ceased to exist.
王琦瑶让他自己泡茶，问他这些日子做什么，打不打桥牌，有没有分配工作的消息。	Wang Qiyao had Kang Mingxun make himself some tea and, as he busied himself, she asked him what he had been doing of late—did he still play bridge? Was there any news on the job front?
他说这几个月来好像只在做一件事，就是排队。	"For the past few months, it feels like I have been doing only one thing—waiting in line.
上午九点半到中餐馆排队等吃饭，下午四点钟再到西餐社排队等吃饭，有时是排队喝咖啡，有时是排队吃咸肉菜饭。	I get in line at nine thirty every morning to get into the Chinese restaurant. Then I line up again around four at a Western restaurant. Sometimes I have to line up just to get a cup of coffee or a quick bite, like a bowl of rice with salted pork."
总是他一个人排着，然后家里老老少少的来到。	He explained that he was the one who usually got stuck holding a place in line for the rest of the family; once it got to close to his turn, everyone else would show up.
说是闹饥荒，却好像从早到晚都在吃。	"Everyone talks about there not being enough to eat, but I feel like all I do all day long is eat!"
王琦瑶看着他说：头上都吃出白头发来了。	Wang Qiyao took a closer look at him and jokingly observed, "You've been eating so much that you're starting to grow gray."
他就说：这怎么是吃出来的呢？ 分明是想一个人想出来的。	"I don't think that's from eating too much—it's from missing someone too much...."
王琦瑶白他一眼，说：谁同你唱“楼台会”！	Wang Qiyao rolled her eyes. "Oh no, I'm not singing Rendezvous at the Pavilion with you again!"
过去的时光似乎又回来了，只是多了床上那个小人。	They seemed to have slipped back into their old ways—except that there was this new addition asleep on the bed.
麻雀在窗台上啄着什么碎屑，有人拍打晒透的被子，啪啪地响。	Sparrows were pecking at crumbs on the windowsill and they could hear someone forcefully shaking out a comforter on a nearby balcony.
程先生回来时，正好康明逊走，两人在楼梯上擦肩而过，互相看了一眼，也没留下什么印象。	Kang Mingxun was just on his way out as Mr. Cheng came back from work. Passing on the stairs, they exchanged a quick glance but neither left much of an impression on the other.
进房间才听王琦瑶说是弄堂底严师母的表弟，过去常在一起玩的。	It wasn't until he got inside that Wang Qiyao explained that the man was her neighbor Madame Yan's cousin, the one she used to spend time with.
就说怎么临吃晚饭了还让人走。	"It's almost dinner time. How come you didn't ask him to stay for dinner?" Mr. Cheng asked.
王琦瑶说没什么菜好留客的。	"We really don't have anything special to entertain a guest... so I thought it would be rude to invite him," she explained.
王琦瑶的母亲并不说什么，脸色很不好看，但对程先生倒比往日更殷勤。 程先生知道这不高兴不是对自己，却不知是对谁。	Mrs. Wang kept quiet but had a disgusted look on her face. She went out of her way to be nice to Mr. Cheng, who wondered who had crossed her—he knew it wasn't him.
吃过饭后，照例逗那婴儿玩一会儿，看王琦瑶给她喂了奶，她将小拳头塞进嘴巴，很满足地睡熟，便告辞出来。	As usual, he spent some time playing with the baby after dinner. Seeing the baby fed and contentedly asleep with her tiny fist in her mouth, he took his leave.
其时是八点钟左右，马路上人来车往，华灯照耀，有些流光溢彩。	It was around eight o'clock. People and cars passed back and forth under the bright city lights.
程先生也不去搭电车，臂上搭着秋大衣，信步走着。	Instead of taking the trolley, Mr. Cheng draped his fall coat over his arm and walked home.
他在这夜晚里嗅到了他所熟悉的气息。 灯光令他亲切，是驻进他身心里的那种。	He took in the familiar scents of the city and soaked up the evening scene.
程先生现在的心情是闲适的，多日来的重负终于卸下，王琦瑶母女平安，他又不像担心的那样，对那婴儿生厌。	Now that the burden weighing on him for so long had been finally lifted, he felt relaxed: mother and child were safe and sound and the baby didn't bother him as he had originally feared.
程先生甚至有一种奇怪的兴奋心情，好像新生的不是那婴儿，而是他自己。	In fact, Mr. Cheng was struck with a peculiar happiness; it was as if he, and not the child, had been given a new lease on life.
电影院正将开映第四场电影，这给夜晚带来了活跃的空气。	The late show was about to begin at the cinemas, which added a feeling of excitement to the night air.
这城市还是睡得晚，精力不减当年。	The city still had the spirit of a night owl, and the same energy of years ago was still there.
理发店门前的三色灯柱旋转着，也是夜景不熄的内心。	The tricolor revolving pole outside the barbershop was the emblem of this unsleeping city.
老大昌的门里传出浓郁的巴西咖啡的香气，更是时光倒转。	The strong aroma of Brazilian coffee wafting out of Old Chang's gives the impression that time is flowing backward.
多么热闹的夜晚啊！	How exciting the night is!
四处是活跳跳的欲望和满足，虽说有些得过且过，却也是认真努力，不虚此生。	Desire and contentment abound and, despite the compromises that have to be made, everyone gives their all, living life to the fullest.
程先生的眼睛几乎湿润了，心里有一种美妙的悸动，是他长久没体验过的。	Mr. Cheng's eyes grew moist and a strange excitement welled up in his heart, the like of which he had not experienced in a long time.
康明逊再一次来的时候，王琦瑶的母亲没有避进厨房，她坐在沙发上看一本连环画的《红楼梦》。	The next time Kang Mingxun showed up, Mrs. Wang did not go into the kitchen to avoid him. She sat on the sofa reading a cartoon version of the Dream of the Red Chamber.
这两个人难免尴尬，说着些天气什么的闲话。	Wang Qiyao and Kang Mingxun couldn't help but feel awkward and fell back on making small talk about the weather.
孩子睡醒哭了，王琦瑶让康明逊将干净尿布递一块给她，不料她母亲站了起来，拿过康明逊手中的尿布，说：怎么好叫先生你做这样的事情呢。	When the baby woke up crying, Wang Qiyao asked Kang Mingxun to hand her a clean diaper. To her dismay, her mother got up and, taking the diaper out of Kang Mingxun's hand, scolded her. "How could you have the gentleman do this kind of thing?"
康明逊说不要紧，反正他也没事，王琦瑶也说让他拿好了。	"I don't mind," explained Kang Mingxun. "It's not like I'm busy with anything else. . . ." "Right, let him help out," Wang Qiyao added.
她母亲便将脸一沉，说：你懂不懂规矩，他是一位先生，怎么能碰这些屎尿的东西，人家是对你客气，把你当个人来看望你，你就以为是福气，要爬上脸去，这才是不识相呢！	Mrs. Wang drew a long face. "Don't you have any manners? How could you ask a gentleman like him to lay his hands on these filthy articles? He is decent enough to treat you with respect and come to visit; but don't take it as a sign that you can walk all over him. Show some tact!"
王琦瑶被她母亲劈头盖脸一顿说，话里且句句有所指，心里委屈，脸上又挂不住，就哭了起来。	Stunned by the innuendo in her mother's sudden attack, Wang Qiyao burst into tears.
她这一哭，她母亲更火了，将手里的尿布往她脸上摔去，接着骂道：给你脸你不要脸，所以才说自作自践，这“践”都是自己“作”出来的。	Mrs. Wang became even more incensed. She flung the diaper in her daughter's face, screaming, "I try to help you save face, but you just don't seem to care! You demean yourself, and it's all your own doing!
自己要往低处走，别人就怎么扶也扶不起了！	If you want to lead a life of shame, go ahead! Nobody's going to be able to help you if you don't help yourself!"
说着，自己也流泪了。	With that, Mrs. Wang also burst out crying.
康明逊蒙了，不知是怎么会引起来这一个局面，又不好不说话，只得劝解道：伯母不要生气，王琦瑶是个老实人……	Kang Mingxun was thoroughly bemused; he had no idea what had brought this on. Not knowing what else to do, he set about trying to mollify Mrs. Wang, "Please don't be upset, Auntie. You know that Wang Qiyao has a good heart. . . ."
她母亲一听这话倒笑了，转过脸对了他道：先生你算是明白人，知道王琦瑶老实，她确实是老实，她也只好老实，她倘若要不老实呢？ 又怎么样？	His words made Mrs. Wang laugh. She turned to him, "Mister, you are very perceptive. Wang Qiyao does indeed have a good heart. She has no choice. Where would she be if she didn't have a good heart?"
康明逊这才听出这一句句原来都是冲着他来的，不由后退了几步，嘴里嗫嚅着。	Suddenly Kang Mingxun realized that he was the object of her wrath. He stepped back and stammered something inaudible.
这时，孩子见久久没人管她，便大哭起来。	At this point, the baby, whom no one had been tending to, began to howl.
房间里四个人有三个人在哭，真是乱得可以。 康明逊忍不住说：王琦瑶还在月子里，不能伤心的。	Of the four people in the room, three were now in tears. Aghast at the chaos, Kang Mingxun felt impelled to say, "It is less than a month since Wang Qiyao gave birth. She should still be resting and we should try not to make her upset."
她母亲便连连冷笑道：王琦瑶原来是在坐月子，我倒不知道，她男人都没有，怎么就坐月子，你倒给我说说这个道理！	Mrs. Wang laughed coldly. "Oh, so Wang Qiyao should be resting this month, should she? That's funny, I didn't know. With no man around to rely on, how is she supposed to be able to rest? Will you explain that to me?"
话说到这样，王琦瑶的眼泪倒干了，她给孩子换好尿布，又喂给她奶吃，然后说：妈，你说我不懂规矩，可你自己不也是不懂规矩？	Those words brought an abrupt end to Wang Qiyao's tears. When she had finished changing and feeding the baby, she said, "Mom, you said I lack tact; but what about you?
你当了客人的面，说这些揭底的话，就好像与人家有什么干系似的，你这才是作践我呢！ 也是作践你自己，好歹我总是你的女儿。	How do you think it looks when you say such things in front of our guest? After all, it's not as if he has anything to do with our family. You're the one who is demeaning me—and yourself! At any rate, I'll always be your daughter!"
她这一席话把她母亲说怔了，待要开口，王琦瑶又说道：人家先生确是看得起我才来看我，我不会有非分之想，你也不要有非分之想，我这一辈子别的不敢说，但总是靠自己，这一次累你老人家侍候我坐月子，我会知恩图报的。	Mrs. Wang was dumbstruck. By the time she was ready to respond, Wang Qiyao cut her off. "This gentleman has the decency to come by and pay his respects. I would never dream of making any unseemly demands on him—and neither should you! All my life I've had no one to rely on but myself; I make no other claims besides that. I'm sorry to have troubled you to help out during this difficult time, but I promise you that I will repay you for your trouble."
她这话，既是说给母亲听，也是说给康明逊听，两人一时都沉默着。 她母亲擦干眼泪，怆然一笑，说：看来我是多操了心，反正你也快出月子了，我在这里倒是多余了。	Her remarks were directed at her mother, but they were also meant for Kang Mingxun. Mother and daughter both fell silent for a time, until Ms. Wang wiped away her tears and murmured bleakly, "I see I've been worrying too much. Well, you are almost through your first month, and it looks like I'm no longer needed here."
说罢就去收拾东西要走，这两人都不敢劝她，怔怔地看她收拾好东西，再将一个红纸包放在婴儿胸前，出了门去，然后下楼，便听后门一声响，走了。	Even as she spoke, she began to gather up her personal effects. Neither Wang Qiyao nor Kang Mingxun dared say a word to persuade her to stay. They watched in shock as she packed her things and placed a red envelope on the baby's chest. She went out the door and down the stairs; then they heard the sound of the downstairs door closing, and she was gone.
再看那红纸包里，是装了二百块钱，还有一个金锁片。	Inside the red envelope were 200 yuan and a gold pendant.
程先生到来时，见王琦瑶已经起床，在厨房里烧晚饭。	When Mr. Cheng arrived, he found Wang Qiyao out of bed cooking dinner in the kitchen.
问她母亲上哪里去了，王琦瑶说是爹爹有些不舒服，她这里差几天就满月，劝母亲回去了。	He asked where Mrs. Wang had gone. Wang Qiyao told him that her father was not feeling well and, since it was already almost a month since the birth, she had persuaded her mother to go home to look after him.
程先生又见她眼睛肿着，好像哭过的样子，无端的却不好问，只得作罢。	Mr. Cheng noticed her swollen eyes and guessed that she had been crying, but he decided not to press her and simply let things go at that.
这天晚上，兴许少了一个人的缘故，显出了沉闷。	With Mrs. Wang gone, the mood that evening was a bit dull.
王琦瑶不太说话，问她什么也有些答非所问，程先生不免扫兴，一个人坐在一边看报纸。	Wang Qiyao was not very talkative and answered Mr. Cheng's questions absentmindedly, leaving her guest rather down. Mr. Cheng sat off to one side and read the newspaper.
看了一会儿，听房间里没动静，以为王琦瑶睡着了，回过头去，却见她靠在枕上，两眼睁着，望了天花板，不知在想什么。	He read on for quite some time and the apartment grew quiet. He thought that Wang Qiyao must be asleep, but when he looked over he saw that she had propped her head against the pillow and was staring up at the ceiling, lost in thought.
他轻轻走过去，想问她什么，不料她却惊了一跳，回头反问程先生要什么。	He quietly approached to ask what she was thinking. The last thing he expected was for her to jerk back and ask him what he wanted.
她的眼睛是漠然警觉的表情，使程先生觉着自己是个陌生人，就退回到沙发上，重新看报纸。	There was alarm in her eyes and a distant look that made Mr. Cheng feel like a stranger. He retreated to the sofa and went on with reading his newspaper.
忽听窗下弄堂里嘈杂声起，便推窗望去，原来是谁家在鸡窝里抓住一只黄鼠狼。	All of a sudden, rowdy noises broke out from the longtang outside. Opening the window to look out, Mr. Cheng saw that a crowd had gathered around a man holding up a weasel he had caught in his chicken coop.
那人倒提着黄鼠狼控诉它的罪孽，围了许多人看，然后，人们簇拥着他向弄口走去。	After recounting the beast's crimes, the man carried it toward the entrance to the longtang with the crowd following close behind.
程先生正要关窗，却在空气里嗅到一股桂花香，虽不浓烈，却沁人肺腑。	Mr. Cheng was about to close the window when he caught the scent of osmanthus blossoms in the air; it wasn't terribly strong, but the fragrance went straight to his heart.
他还注意到平安里上方的狭窄的天空，是十分彻底的深蓝。	He also noticed the narrow span of sky above Peace Lane—a deep, deep blue.
他心里有些跃然，回过头对王琦瑶说：等孩子满月，办一次满月酒吧！	He felt exhilarated. Turning to Wang Qiyao, he said, "Let's have a banquet to celebrate the child's one-month birthday."
王琦瑶先不回答，然后笑了笑说：办什么满月酒！	Wang Qiyao did not say anything at first. Then, breaking into a smile: "Is that cause for celebration?"
程先生更加积极地说：满月总是高兴吉利的事。	"Yes," Mr. Cheng said more earnestly. "A first-month birthday is always a happy and auspicious occasion!"
王琦瑶反问：有什么高兴吉利？	"What's so happy and auspicious about it?"
程先生被她问住了，虽然被泼了冷水，心里却只有对她的可怜。	Mr. Cheng did not know how to answer. Although she had been the one to crush his excitement, he pitied her.
王琦瑶翻了个身，面向壁地躺着，停了一会儿，又说：也别提什么满不满月了，就烧几个菜，买一瓶酒，请严师母和她表弟吃顿便饭，他们都待我不错的，还来看我。	Wang Qiyao rolled over away from him. After a pause, she continued, "Let's not fuss over this one-month celebration. Let's simply make a few dishes, buy a bottle of wine, and invite Madame Yan and her cousin over. They have been good to me, coming to see me and all."
程先生就又高兴起来，盘算着炒几个菜，烧什么汤，王琦瑶总是与他唱反调，把他的计划推翻再重来。	That was enough to put Mr. Cheng back in high spirits. He pondered what kind of soup and dishes they should serve. Wang Qiyao objected to virtually every one of his suggestions, and he had to start from scratch.
两人你一句我一句地争执着，才有些热闹起来。	They became more animated as they argued back and forth about the menu and gradually things went back to normal.
这天下午，程先生提前下班，买了菜到王琦瑶处，两人将孩子哄睡了，便一起忙了起来，一边忙一边说话。	On the afternoon of the dinner Mr. Cheng left work early to pick up the food for that evening. They put the baby to bed early and chatted as they cooked.
程先生见王琦瑶情绪好，自己的情绪也就好，将冷盆摆出各色花样，紫萝卜镶边的。	Mr. Cheng saw that Wang Qiyao was in a good mood, which also put him in a good mood. They arranged the cold dishes in a delightful pattern, garnishing the plate with purple radishes.
王琦瑶说程先生不仅会照相，还会烹饪啊！	Wang Qiyao declared, "Mr. Cheng, you're not only a great photographer, but you can cook too!"
程先生说：我最会的一样你却没有说。	"And you didn't even mention what I'm best at . . ."
王琦瑶问：最会的是哪一样？	"What's that?"
程先生说：铁路工程。	"Railroad engineering."
王琦瑶说：我倒忘了程先生的老本行了，弄了半天，原来都是在拿副业敷衍我们，真本事却藏着。	"I practically forgot your true calling. You see, all along you have been entertaining us with your hobbies, and hiding your real talent!"
程先生就笑，说不是藏着，而是没地方拿出来。	"It's not that I was trying to hide it.... I just never get the chance to show it off!"
两人正打趣，客人来了，严师母表姐弟俩一同进了门，都带着礼物。	Their jovial banter was interrupted by the guests, who had come bearing gifts.
严师母是一磅开司米绒线，康明逊则是一对金元宝。	Madame Yan brought a pound of cashmere yarn, and Kang Mingxun a pair of gold ingots.
王琦瑶想说金元宝的礼过重了，又恐严师母误以为嫌她的礼轻，便一并收下，日后再说。	Wang Qiyao wanted to tell him that he shouldn't have given such an expensive gift, but was worried that Madame Yan would take that as a sign that her gift wasn't lavish enough, so she decided to accept them both and save her misgivings for another day.
大家再看一遍孩子，称赞她大有人样，然后就围桌坐下，正好一人一面。	Everyone went inside to see the baby before dinner and they all commented on how precious she looked. Since there were four of them, it worked out perfectly when they sat down at the table, one person on each side.
程先生同这两位全是初次见面。	This was the first time that Mr. Cheng had met the evening's guests.
严师母见过他，他却没见过严师母，和康明逊则是楼梯上交臂而过，谁也没看清谁。	Madame Yan had taken note of him, but he had never noticed her, and he had only passed Kang Mingxun on the staircase, when neither could get a good look at the other.
这时候，便由王琦瑶做了介绍，算是认识了。	Wang Qiyao made the introductions and they proceeded with dinner as if they were all acquainted.
严师母在此之前就对程先生有好印象，便分外热情，见面就熟。	Madame Yan already had a good impression of Mr. Cheng and was especially friendly toward him; it wasn't long before she felt like they were old friends.
程先生虽是有些招架不住，可也心领她的好意，并不见怪。	Although Mr. Cheng was a bit overwhelmed by her warmth, he realized she had nothing but the best intentions.
相比之下，康明逊倒显得拘谨和沉默，也不大吃菜，只是喝温热的黄酒，一瓶黄酒很快喝完了，又开了一瓶。	Kang Mingxun, on the other hand, was stiff and subdued. He said little, focusing on the warm rice wine. They finished off the first bottle rather quickly and started on a second.
程先生说要去炒菜，站起来却有些摇晃，王琦瑶就说她去炒，按他坐下。	Mr. Cheng excused himself so he could go to the kitchen to prepare another dish, but seeing he was a bit tipsy, Wang Qiyao put her hand on his shoulder, motioning him to sit back down, and insisted that she take care of it.
他抬起手，在王琦瑶按他的肩的手背上抚摸了一下，王琦瑶本能地一抽手。	He gently caressed the hand on his shoulder, but she instinctively pulled it away.
对面的康明逊不禁看他一眼，是锐利的目光。	Kang Mingxun, in spite of himself, flashed Mr. Cheng a rather sharp glance.
程先生心里一动，清醒了一半。	The effect on Mr. Cheng was instantaneously sobering.
王琦瑶炒了热菜上来，重又入座。	Wang Qiyao returned to the table with the new dish she had just whipped up.
严师母也脸热心跳地有了几分醉意。	By then even Madame Yan, whose cheeks were red, was getting a bit tipsy.
她向程先生敬一杯酒，称他是世上少有的仁义之士，又说是黄金万两容易得，知心一个也难求。	She proposed a toast to Mr. Cheng, declaring him a rare gentleman and even quoting the old adage, "It's easier to find ten thousand ounces of gold than a true friend who can really understand you."
话都说得有些不搭调，可也是借酒吐真言，放了平时则是难出口的。	Her words were inappropriate to the occasion; obviously, alcohol was bringing out some hidden truths.
严师母自己敬了酒不算，又怂恿康明逊也向程先生敬酒。	Not content to propose a toast on her own, she insisted that Kang Mingxun also drink to Mr. Cheng.
康明逊只得也举酒杯，却不晓得该说什么，看大家都等着，心里着急，说出的话更不搭调，说的是：祝程先生早结良缘。	Kang Mingxun raised his cup but didn't know quite what to say. As the rest of the party waited anxiously, he finally came out with something that sounded even more inappropriate. "Here's to Mr. Cheng soon finding matrimonial bliss!"
程先生照单全收，都是一个“谢”字，然后问王琦瑶有什么话说。	Mr. Cheng accepted their toast with equanimity and a "thank you." Then, turning to Wang Qiyao, he asked if she had anything to say.
王琦瑶看程先生的眼睛很不像过去，有些无赖似的，不知是喝了酒还是有别的原因，心里不安着，脸上便带了安抚的笑容，说：	Wang Qiyao was a bit disconcerted by the unfamiliar glint in his eyes—she wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or something else—so she put on a placating smile.
我当然是第一个要敬程先生酒的，就像方才严师母说的，“黄金万两容易得，知心一个也难求”，要说知心，这里人没一个比得上程先生对我的，程先生是我王琦瑶最难堪时的至交，王琦瑶就算是有一万个错处，程先生也是一个原谅，这恩和义是刻骨铭心，永世难报。	"Naturally, I should have been the first one to toast Mr. Cheng. Just as Madame Yan said, it is easier to find ten thousand ounces of gold than a true friend. No one else here understands me the way Mr. Cheng does. He has always been there for me during my most difficult times. And for all the mistakes I have made, he has always forgiven me. I owe him a debt of gratitude that I will never be able to repay."
程先生听她只说恩义，却不提一个“情”字，也知她是借了酒向他交心的意思，胸中有无穷的感慨，还是伤感，眼泪几乎都到了下眼睑，只是低头，停了一会儿，才勉强笑道：今天又不是我满月，怎么老向我敬酒，应当敬王琦瑶才对呢！	Conscious that it was the alcohol that had emboldened her to open up, Mr. Cheng couldn't help being at once deeply disappointed and hurt by her words; all she spoke of was gratitude, with not a word about love. On the brink of tears, he lowered his head. Only after a long pause did he manage to force a smile and say, "Hey, we're not here to celebrate my one-month birthday! Why is everyone toasting me? Drinking to Wang Qiyao would be more like it!"
于是又由严师母带头，向王琦瑶敬酒。	And so, with Madame Yan leading the way, they all toasted Wang Qiyao.
可大约是方才的话都说多了，这时倒都不说话，只喝酒。	But, perhaps because they had all talked too much already, no one had much left to say. So they just drank, one cup after another.
喝着喝着，程先生与康明逊的目光又碰在一起，相互看了一眼，虽没看明白什么的，可心里却都种下了疑窦。	Mr. Cheng's eyes met Kang Mingxun's once again. They stared mutely at each other, neither fully understanding the circumstances. But the seeds of suspicion had been planted.
这天的酒都喝过量了，程先生不记得是怎么送走的客人，也不记得洗没洗碗盏了，他一觉醒来，发现竟是睡在王琦瑶的沙发上，身上盖一床薄被，桌上还摆着碗碟剩菜，满屋都是黄酒酸甜的香。	Everyone drank more than they should have that evening. Mr. Cheng couldn't remember how he had seen the guests out or whether he had washed the dishes after they left. He woke up to discover himself on Wang Qiyao's sofa, a thin blanket draped over him. Leftover food was still on the table, and the room was filled with the sweet and sour fragrance of rice wine.
月光透过窗帘，正照在他的脸上，真是清凉如水。	The moon shining through the curtains on his face was cool as water.
他心里很安宁，看着窗帘上的光影，什么都不去想的。	He felt utterly at peace as he watched the moonlight dancing on the curtain; he decided to let his mind go blank and not worry about anything that had happened that night.
忽听有声音轻轻问道：要不要喝茶？	Suddenly he heard a gentle voice ask, "Would you care for some tea?"
他循声音望去，见是王琦瑶躺在房间那头的床上，也醒了。 脸在阴影里，看不清楚，只见一个隐约的轮廓。	He followed the voice and saw Wang Qiyao lying in bed across the room. She had also woken up, but her face was obscured by the shadows and Mr. Cheng could only make out her silhouette.
程先生并不觉局促，反是一片静谧，他说：真是现世啊！	Mr. Cheng did not feel awkward; on the contrary, he was filled with a sense of serenity. "I'm so embarrassed!" he said.
王琦瑶不出声地笑了：趴在桌上就睡着了，三个人一起把你抬到了沙发。	Wang Qiyao responded with a silent laugh. "You fell asleep with your head on the table. It took the three of us to get you onto the sofa."
他说：喝过头了，也是高兴的缘故。	"I drank too much," he said. "But that was only because I was happy."
静了一下，王琦瑶说：其实你是不高兴。	After a silence, Wang Qiyao responded, "Actually . . . you drank so much because you were upset. . . ."
程先生笑了一声：我怎么会不高兴？	Mr. Cheng laughed. "What's there for me to be upset about?
真的是高兴。	I was really happy."
两人都不说话，月光又移近了一些。	Neither of them spoke and gradually the moonlight shifted a bit closer.
程先生觉着自己像躺在水里似的。	Bathed in the moonlight, Mr. Cheng had the sensation that he was lying in water.
过了很久，程先生以为王琦瑶睡着了，不料却听她叫了声程先生。	Quite some time passed, and he was certain that Wang Qiyao must have long fallen asleep, when she suddenly called out his name. He was surprised to hear her call him.
他问：什么事啊？	"What is it?"
王琦瑶停了一下，说：程先生睡不着吗？	Wang Qiyao hesitated before asking, "Can't you get to sleep?"
程先生说：方才那一大觉是睡足了。	"I think I got all the sleep I needed when I passed out earlier!"
王琦瑶说，你没明白我的意思。	"That's not what I meant. . . ."
程先生说：我很明白。	"I think I know quite well what you meant," insisted Mr. Cheng.
王琦瑶就说：你还是没明白我的意思。	"I don't think so. . . ."
程先生笑了：我当然明白的。	Mr. Cheng laughed, "Of course I do."
王琦瑶就说：倘若明白，你说给我听听。	"If you understand what I meant, then why don't you tell me...?"
程先生道：要我说我就说，你的意思是，如今你我只这一步之遥，只要我程先生跨过这一步，你王琦瑶是不会说一个“不”的。	"If that's what you want, I will then," replied Mr. Cheng. "You meant that all this time we have been but just one step away from taking our relationship somewhere else. And if I were to take that step, you would not refuse me."
王琦瑶心里诧异这个呆木头似的程先生其实解人至深，面上却有些尴尬，解嘲说：我自知是不配，所以只能等程先生提出。	Wang Qiyao marveled at Mr. Cheng's perceptiveness, especially since he usually came off so stiff and bookish. Embarrassed, she tried to find an excuse to explain things away. "I know I don't deserve you . . . and that's why I wanted to wait for you to make the first move."
程先生又笑了，这时他感到身心都十分轻松，几乎要飘起来似的，他听着自己的声音就好像听着别人在说话，说的都是体己的话。	Mr. Cheng laughed again. He felt extremely relaxed, as if floating on air. When he spoke, it felt almost as if someone else was doing the talking, but the words that came out were indeed his deepest and most honest inner thoughts.
他说：要说这一步，我程先生几乎等了有半辈子了，可这不是说跨过就跨过的，不是还有咫尺天涯的说法吗？	"We talked about taking that one last step. . . . Well, I have been waiting practically half my life to take that step. But it's not as easy as it sounds. Have you ever heard the saying, 'People can be a short distance away, yet poles apart'?
许多事情都是强求不得的。	There are a lot of things in life that simply can't be forced."
王琦瑶那边悄然无声，程先生不管她是否醒着，只顾自己滔滔不绝地说，像是把积攒了十余年的话全一股脑儿地倒出来。	Wang Qiyao remained silent and Mr. Cheng, unconcerned as to whether she was really listening, continued to pour out the feelings he had accumulated inside himself all those years.
他说他其实早就明白这个道理，并且想好就做个知己知彼的朋友，也不枉为一世人生；可这人和人在一起，就有些像古话说的“逆水行舟，不进则退”的道理，要说没有进一步的愿望是不真实的，要进又进不了的时候，看来就只得退了。	He explained how he had long ago come to understand this principle. So long as they could be close friends, confidants, he thought, his life would not have been in vain. But once people are together, it is as the saying goes: "A boat sailing against the current must forge ahead or else be driven back." "I would be lying if I said that I didn't have the desire to forge ahead . . . but when the boat won't go forward anymore . . . all I can do is turn back."
停了一会儿，他突然问道：康明逊是孩子的父亲吧？	After a long silence, he suddenly asked, "Kang Mingxun is the father, isn't he?"
王琦瑶出声地笑了，说：是又如何？ 不是又如何？	Wang Qiyao laughed, "What does it matter whether he is or not?"
程先生倒反有些窘，说：随便问问的。	Mr. Cheng grew a bit self-conscious. "I was only asking."
两人各自翻了个身，不一会儿都睡熟了，发出了轻微的鼾声。	The two of them turned over, away from each other, and before long they were both fast asleep, snoring lightly.
第二天，程先生下了班后，没有到王琦瑶处，他去找蒋丽莉了。	The following day Mr. Cheng did not show up at Wang Qiyao's after work—he went to see Jiang Lili instead.
事先他给她往班上打了电话，约好在提篮桥见面。	He had called her at her office, and they agreed to meet on Tilan Bridge.
程先生到时，蒋丽莉已在那里站着了，不停地看表。	By the time Mr. Cheng arrived, Jiang Lili was already standing there waiting, constantly looking at her watch.
分明是她到早了，却怨程先生晚了。	She had clearly arrived too early but insisted on blaming Mr. Cheng for being late.
程先生也不与她争辩，两人在附近找了个小饭馆，坐进去，点好菜。	Mr. Cheng refused to argue with her. They found a small restaurant nearby, went in, and ordered a few dishes.
那堂倌一转身，程先生便伏在桌上哭了，眼泪成串地落在碱水刷白的白木桌面上。	As soon as the waiter turned away, Mr. Cheng bent over the table and started to cry, a stream of tears falling steadily on the bleached table cloth.
蒋丽莉心里明白了大半，并不劝解，只沉默着，眼睛看着对面的墙壁，墙壁是刷了石灰水的，惨白的颜色。	Jiang Lili could pretty much figure out what had happened, but made no effort to comfort him. All she offered was silence as she silently fixed her gaze on the ashen wall, which had recently been stained a pale white.
这时的程先生只顾着发泄自己的难过，全然不顾别人是什么心情，即便是如程先生这样的忠厚人，爱起来也极端自私的，也极其地不公平。	At that moment, all Mr. Cheng was focused on was his own pain, and he made no effort to understand what Jiang Lili might be feeling. Even people as good-natured and generous as Mr. Cheng can become extremely selfish and unfair in love.
在他所爱的人面前，兢兢业业，小心翼翼，而到了爱他的人面前，却无所顾忌，目中无人，有些像耍赖的小孩。	They tiptoe around their loved ones, fearful of giving offense; but with the people who love them they are thoroughly inconsiderate and arrogant, behaving like spoiled brats.
也正是这个，促使程先生来找蒋丽莉了。	This was what had motivated him to seek out Jiang Lili.
蒋丽莉沉默了一会儿，回头看他还在流泪，嘲笑道：怎么，失恋了？	Jiang Lili did not speak for a long time. Then, seeing that he was still crying, she sneered, "What's wrong? Went out and got your heart broken, did you?"
程先生的泪渐渐止了，坐在那里不作声。	Mr. Cheng gradually stopped crying and sat in silence.
蒋丽莉还想刺他，又看他可怜，就换了口气道：世上东西，大多是越想越不得，不想倒得了。	Jiang Lili had the urge to taunt him further, but, taking pity on him, softened up. "You know, it seems like the harder we try to get something, the more elusive it becomes. But when we don't want something, it ends up falling into our lap."
程先生轻声说：要不想也不得怎么办呢？	Mr. Cheng asked softly, "And what if one gives up on something but it still remains elusive?"
蒋丽莉一听这话就火了，大了声说：天下女人都死光了吗？	Jiang Lili was livid. She raised her voice, "What, are all the women in the world dead?
可不还有个蒋丽莉活着吗？	Don't tell me that I'm the only one left?
这蒋丽莉是专供听你哭她活着的吗？	Sent here to listen to you ramble on about your grievances over her?"
程先生自知有错，低头不语，蒋丽莉也不说了。 两人僵持了一会儿，程先生说：我本是有事托你，可不知道怎么就哭了起来，真是不好意思。	Mr. Cheng lowered his head contritely and was silent. Jiang Lili also gave up speaking to him, and the two of them sat for some time in an awkward silence. In the end, it was Mr. Cheng who continued. "Actually, I came here to ask a favor of you. . . . I'm not sure what made me break down like that. I'm so sorry."
听他这话，蒋丽莉也平和下来，说有什么事尽管说好了。	Somewhat mollified, Jiang Lili told him to go ahead and say what he had to say.
程先生说：这件事我想来想去只能托你，其实也许是最不妥的，可却再无他人了。	"I've been thinking about this for a long time, and you are the only one I can go to for help. I know it's not right, but there is no one else I can turn to."
蒋丽莉说：有什么妥不妥的，有话快说。	"Whatever it is, let's hear it!"
程先生就说托她今后多多照顾王琦瑶，她那地方，他从此是不会再去了。	Mr. Cheng explained that he would never again visit Wang Qiyao. He wanted to ask Jiang Lili to look out for her.
蒋丽莉听他说出的这件事情，心里不知是气还是怨，憋了半天才说出一句：天下女人原来真就死光了，连我一同都死光的。	Jiang Lili did not know whether to be angry or bitter. It took a long time before she managed to say, "Well I guess all the women in the world are dead . . . even me."
程先生忍着她奚落，可蒋丽莉就此打住，并没再往下说什么。	Mr. Cheng took her ridicule in stride and Jiang Lili stopped herself from saying more.
王琦瑶等程先生来，等了几日，却等来蒋丽莉。	Wang Qiyao waited for Mr. Cheng's return. She waited several days, but in the end it was Jiang Lili who came to visit.
她是下班后从杨树浦过来，调了几部车，头发蓬乱着，鞋面上全是灰，声音嘶哑。	She had come straight from work in Yangshupu and had had to transfer several times on the bus. By the time she got there, her hair was disheveled, her shoes were covered with dust, and she was quite hoarse.
手里提了一个网兜，装了水果、饼干、奶粉，还有一条半新的床单。	She carried a netted bag stuffed with fruits, crackers, milk powder, and a barely used bed sheet.
进门就抖出来，王琦瑶来不及去阻止，就唰唰几下子，撕成一堆尿布。	She emptied everything out onto the table before Wang Qiyao could stop her, and with several forceful motions, ripped the bed sheet into several small pieces to be used as diapers.